Also, if you catch her in a contradiction, you can question her further. If she doesn’t catch it and correct you, that’s a sign she may be lying. What time did you go out? What did you see? Who did you meet? If want to check her truthfulness, you can summarize what she’s said and either leave something out or add something in. “How was your walk today? Where did you go? What did you do?” People who want to cover something, according to FBI narrative analysis, tend to minimize and dismiss: “Fine. Instead, you might ask these other kinds of questions, always in a conversational way. Don’t ask a question that produces a yes or no reply, Pyle says. This is where it comes in handy to know the different kinds of questions. If your nanny did not follow your instructions to take baby Lindsey out, for example, she’ll be very reluctant to tell you. But even if she doesn’t, you’ll have a pretty good idea of the answer.ĭoes the nanny follow my instructions for taking care of my child? “Oh, you must be making at least X grand.” That’s likely to be met with a disclaimer, “Oh, no, not that much.” Then, Pyle suggests you guess a way-low figure, and she’ll probably respond, “Oh, more than that.” At this point, she may just tell you. “If I was half as good as you are,” you might say, “I’d be earning twice what I’m making.” If your target bites, she might offer something you can build on, such as, “Oh, I’m not making all that much.” Then you could counter with a really high figure. But starting a conversation-and including some sly flattery-might work wonders. If there’s a child anywhere nearby, you might comment, “Wow, look at that cute kid.” The answer might not be definitive, but you will get very suggestive clues from “I guess, but they don’t belong in fancy restaurants,” versus “I have two little girls and I sure miss them.”Īsking right out about another person’s salary can seem intrusive, even aggressive. “Do they say Ohmygosh? Is there a pull back?” Compare that to how the other person looks when talking about non-personal or non-emotional subjects.įor the kid question, he suggests using the “third party” approach. “The eyes are the big tellers,” Pyle says. If you want to know, for example, whether he’s been married, you might say that you have been and then watch the response you get. Generally, the best approach is to say something about yourself and watch the other person’s reaction. This is a delicate subject to broach on a first date, and a direct question could scare off many people.
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